What does Mothers day mean to you?

When all of my friends in High School were discussing which programs they were going to take in University and what they wanted to be when they “grew up” I can remember thinking that my 1 and only desire in life was to be mom. My Dad reminds me often that I was going to have 6 kids. Although I am now glad that that did not become a reality I can say that being a mom was the best career choice I have ever made.

I will never forget the first amazing months with my first child. Looking at him and thinking that I had no idea the heart could feel that amount of love for one human being. To my surprise it was the same when Jordan was born and again when Jameson was born. My love with every new baby was not split but the opposite there was just that much more of it.

As some of you know my middle child Jordan was recently diagnoses with a very rare Terminal genetic disorder that currently has no treatment or cure. This is the worst feeling for a mother. We are supposed to protect and shelter our children from harm and in that moment I was completely helpless. My heart was so sad that my body physically ached.

For the first few weeks I felt like a zombie, I went through the movements of what I know needed to happen to move forward. I prayed every chance I could, I called doctors, we continued with everyday life and work. I had children that still needed me and they were learning from my actions. And one day it changed all of a sudden there was fight in me, I was going to fight for all those moments I wasn’t ready to give up on.

I teach my children that if you are trying to do something and can’t get it done on your own you need to ask for help. “I will help you”. Well that is what I did. I talked to everyone that would listen, I told friends, family, the church, our community, schools, Facebook, really I mean everyone! And you know what happened, people showed up and said “we will help you”.

I look at my children and think to myself I love you more than anything in this world and that is what being a mom means to me. It means no longer having control over your own heart, feeling every high and low of these little humans.

Being a mom to me means guessing and second guessing that what we are doing is right. Having faith that I am making the best decisions for them and that they will grow up to be strong courageous adults that will stand up and fight for what is right.

Faith is the reason that this is not the end of our story. Jesus has Jordan in his arms and will carry her through this. Every step of our journey, every corner we turn I am reminded to trust and have faith. I share our story because every step of the way in big ways and sometimes very subtle ways Jesus reminds me that he has got this and he will carry us through it.

Thank you!